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is financial debt an issue in dating?

  So I recently went on a date!  I’ve found that in the Christian community people love to set people up.  Actually that’s probably true.  Most people like playing matchmaker.  So I get this girl’s info call her up and go for a coffee.  Coffee goes great, so we continue the date.  We go for a walk played with some kids in the park, we compared dance skills and then decided to go for lunch.  So for the entire date so far, things are good, conversation is funny and no awkward moments.  But then over lunch she says to me “so things are going well, and I want to get this out of the way.  How much financial debt do you have?  Because if it is over $50,000 then we should probably end this now because I don’t want to deal with a burden like that.”date

Well, I am no dating expert.  I am blogging about my dating experiences as a single Christian guy but really sometimes I am clueless.  But as far as I know that is a very weird first date question.  First I think it’s way inappropriate and second I really don’t think it should matter, especially in the Christian community.  As Christians we are called to not judge people for things like debt, we are called to be people open to God’s leading as well, we have been forgiven so much, how could we hold things like debt against anyone?

So I admit it, I am somewhat of a smart aleck so I started a conversation about the topic.  I asked her why $50000 and not $42000?  She replied, “actually $42000 is a really large amount as well and probably too much to continue a relationship.”  So I say what about $37500?  With interest that could jump up to $42000 in no time.   Also what about $30000?  What if it is credit card debt?  If its credit card debt with 21% interest then wow, that is a problem.”  So we continue this back and forth until she got very upset and said “just tell me how much debt you have?!”
debt
In the end I just told her that it was none of her business considering I had only known her for less than one day.  Also that I was not interesting in having some kind of relationship checklist interview before a second date.  No debt? Check! Educated? Check! Witty and funny?  Check!  I know that is going through our heads when we date but come on, keep it internal for the first couple dates at least…

So needless to say, the date didn’t go so well after that.  But she did continue with weird questions and the last one was “how do you shower?  Do you use shampoo and then put the shampoo on your body?  Or do you shampoo then use a bar of soap?  Because I think its disgusting when men just use shampoo everywhere.”

Ahhh first dates.   So you tell me, is debt a deal breaker?  Would you consider dating someone in serious financial debt?


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Can Christians date non Christians?

This is a hot button issue and has been for a long time in my life.  I remember when I first became a Christian and I was first wrestling with this question I knew a few Christian guys who only dated non Christian girls.  I obviously knew this would not be good for me in my new found faith so I asked these guys why they did date them.  They explained to me that what they were doing was “flirt to convert” and “relationship evangelism”.  It didn’t take long to flush out the truth, that they could have a relationship without the Christian rules if they dated non Christians.  But we were in our late teens then.  Im over 30 now and even among my group of friends this is a big question with lots of disagreement.
First I want to repeat that the Bible simply does not talk about dating because dating had not even been invented yet.  But as Christians we still need to act in good character and according to scripture.     One thing that is simply off limits to the Christian is marrying a non Christian.

2Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

So if you were dating a non Christian marriage would simply not be an option, which does not seem to be a good idea to me.  Or maybe you are having a relationship like my teenage friends were hoping for to start dating someone with the intention of converting them?  At work this week it was suggested to me that I try and do this.  I think its wrong to date someone with the intentions of changing them fundamentally.  As well, I don’t think a dating relationship is the place for evangelism.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gone on many dates with non Christians, if a girl asks me out Ill go and have a great time.  But to enter into an intentionally serious relationship no way.

Ive met more than one older Christian girl who is dating a non Christian guy, simply because they are getting older and want a relationship.  My advice to them is always you don’t know what you are losing.  As a Christian most of your decisions in life are to be in accordance with scripture and the will of God.  This is simply not a priority to the non Christian.  What you consider the most important thing in your life, your spouse will not understand it at all.  Which also means they do not understand you!  To be close and one with your spouse you will have to sacrifice your relationship with God.  In Christian marriage your primary relationship is as brother and sister first.  Do when problems arise you can solve them through your Church community, through prayer and Scripture.  But if only you value those things, how will you use these options?  The view of divorce in Christian marriage as well is that huge.  Can the non Christian be expected to have the same biblical view of divorce and see it as God sees it?  This goes far beyond just the human dislike of divorce.

But I will say it is tough, especially as we get older.  We crave companionship, partnership, intimacy and a family.  But before all that is our relationship with God.  We have all seen people turn dating and relationships and families into idols.  We must resist this!  We must trust in God, understand that his grace is sufficient for us and ultimately we find fulfillment in Him.

So to answer the question, can a Christian date a non Christian?  The Bible simply does not talk about it, but it is a bad idea because relationships lead towards marriage and a Christian should not marry a non Christian.

Can Christians use coupons on a first date???

One time I was working and I walked outside on my break and started chatting with a couple girls I work with.  I asked what they were doing for St.Valentines day (one of three Christian saints along with St Patrick and St Nicholas) that the secular work appreciates)  one girl told me she was going to the movies with her boyfriend, the other said she was doing nothing except eating chocolate and watching movies.  I said this was a travesty and I would be happy to take her out.  I picked her up and we went to the Aquarium as we arrived i pulled out my entertainment coupon which got us in two for one.  Its $20 each.  She gasped! I laughed and asked what the problem was.  She wouldn’t respond.  Oh well the aquarium is so fun that by the time we hit the sea otters it was all good.  We laughed, we danced as I taught her how to salsa dance in there, we played with some kids that I started up a conversation with, and she grabbed my hand a few times as we walked around.  So after that we go to a nice top floor revolving restaurant downtown.  I pulled out another coupon and that was it for her.  She yelled at me that I was embarrassing her, and she wanted to go home.  I explained I thought we were out as friends having a fun day and I use coupons all the time because why not?  If you are scouting me for a relationship, you will know that we will always be able to go out and have fun even if we don’t have much money.  she laughed and we had a great end of the night but the next day she said she didn’t think we should go out again and that was fine with me.  We stayed friend and we still laugh about it when we bump into each other.  Whenever she sees me out with a girl she loves to tell the story.
coupons
So the question here is: “is it wrong to use coupons on a first date?”

I actually had a very conservative Christian friend actually swear at me saying that this was wrong.
I’ve also had people tell me that if she cant handle coupons then she is too uptight.
I’m not kidding, this has been one of the most hotly debated issues in my circle of friends.  Ive even lost a couple friends because they say they cant handle that I would treat a girl in such a disrespectful fashion as to use a coupon on a date.

Personally I say dating should be fun, not an audition for marriage.  The first date is just two friends going out.   What do you think?

Day one of single Christian guy blogging

Well Im single and Christian and it can be tough.  Singleness is a huge issue among people in the church and I thought I would blog about it.  Its tough being single in the church, not a week goes by where some Christian wont ask me “have you found anyone special yet?”  Lets face it, the Bible doesnt say much about singleness and dating.  Mainly because dating hadnt even been invented yet by the time of the Bible’s writing.  Christian girls and guy have a crazy huge range of what they thing dating is all about and what a Christian partner should look like.  

  Ive known Christians who think kissing anytime before marriage is wrong and also met many Christians who think that no sex before marriage is outdated and passe.  Christians who thought that the man should pay for everything on dates, and Christians who would be offended if a guy did pay for everything.  Ive met Christians who think a girl should never ever ask a guy out and Christians who think that doesn’t apply to today’s day and age.  I’ve met Christians who think dating non-Christians is alright and some that think it is a sin.  Ive also met many Christians who think that they are promised a perfect spouse because they became a Christian and met many more who think that a relationship is the most important thing in life and treat it like an Idol.

So these are the issues Ill be blogging about, Ill also be sharing many of my crazy date stories and sharing conversations about hot button topics.  

So here’s to a good blog